While COVID rates in the United States seem to be decreasing, the global count continues to rise, and international travel remains difficult. While much of the media’s focus this spring and summer has been on COVID-19 infections and deaths, it’s important to remember that a secondary cost of the pandemic has been the impact of lockdowns and social isolation on mental health. These impacts often manifest in increased loneliness or feelings of homesickness, especially for those who live apart from their families, homeland and culture.
How is homesickness different from loneliness?
While homesickness and loneliness can feel familiar, there are subtle differences in these emotional responses. Homesickness is a yearning for reconnection to a place or person that provides us with a sense of stability and comfort. While the feeling is often associated with a physical space or locale, it can also be related to a community or culture that is geographically dispersed. Loneliness, however, is a feeling of disconnect from those around us.
This distinction explains why someone might feel homesick when away from their family or childhood home, but why people are also capable of feeling lonely when around others or in their own homes. It’s important to remember that homesickness and loneliness are natural responses, and that significant life changes or transitions, such as those brought on by a pandemic, often cause instinctual feelings of disconnection.
While many families are learning to connect across digital platforms, people with families in different time zones may find it harder to coordinate virtual social gatherings.
For immigrants, and people living outside their country of origin, feelings of loneliness and homesickness may be exacerbated—especially given current guidelines on global travel. Sometimes when we have family that live outside of the country, it can be difficult to feel connected to them. While many families are learning to connect across digital platforms, people with families in different time zones may find it harder to coordinate virtual social gatherings.
Zoom happy hours and morning FaceTime check-ins become more difficult when you’re navigating multiple time zones. I often recommend letter-writing and postcards as a way to connect with family outside of the U.S., explaining that these thoughtful activities can create a greater sense of bonding and often feels more intimate.
While apps like Zoom, WhatsApp, Skype, and Google Hangouts are most frequently used for live interactions, you can also send pre-recorded video or audio recordings to family and friends abroad. Recording a vlog or oral history of your day or week may feel more meaningful than a regular text or voicemail. Perhaps a nighttime recap or plans for the upcoming day can create a sense of inclusion if shared with loved ones.
Homesickness for your country of origin may be accompanied by feelings of disconnection from your current country of residence.
Homesickness is a natural response that may be a signal to seek support
Homesickness for your country of origin or cultural heritage may be accompanied by feelings of disconnection from your current country of residence. This emotional response is also natural, and may manifest as feeling that we are not understood or seen by those around us. For this reason, it’s important to seek out communities, groups, or spaces where there is common ground, and opportunities for peer support.
While in-person interactions are still risky, many cultural clubs, local organizations, and support groups have taken their activities online. Connecting with communities and groups in your area does not mean you need to ignore or reject your feelings of homesickness. We do this not in an effort to dismiss the yearning for family in a different country, but to remind ourselves of the various connections we can make today.
Connecting with communities and groups in your area does not mean you need to ignore or reject your feelings of homesickness.
The pandemic has forced many people to remain physically distant from friends and family, but it’s increasingly important to remember that safe and risk-mitigating opportunities for socialization still exist. The term “social distancing” is in many ways a misnomer, and some have misinterpreted the term to mean that all social connections should be severed. Of course most of us don’t actually want to do that, but the subconscious implications can often lead us in that direction. I prefer the term “physical distancing” given this practice may be a part of daily life for months and even years to come as reminders to stay connected to our support networks.
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If you’re struggling with feelings of homesickness or loneliness, meditate on the meaning of the word “home,” and consider what it means to you.
Find comfort by cultivating your own meaning of “home”
Apps and technology that allow for social connection are crucial right now, but remember that connections to home can also be forged internally. Remind yourself of who your resources and support networks are, at times when you feel alone, or keeping a list that you can refer back to. Sometimes the simple reminder that a support network exists can be enough.
We can often cultivate the energy of someone’s presence and the sense of “home” in the ways we make space for it in our immediate surroundings. If you’re struggling with feelings of homesickness or loneliness, meditate on the meaning of the word home, and consider what it means to you. Telling yourself, “I have everything I need inside me,” can be a helpful strategy when feelings of yearning are present.
We often forget that the feeling of “home” can be cultivated within ourselves. By making space for these feelings, we are welcoming all parts of ourselves into the present moment. That in itself can sometimes give us a sense of home or belonging, because it reminds us that when we welcome all parts of ourselves – even the discomfort of homesickness – that we are still whole, complex humans.
Nurturing Your Relationship with a Family Member Who Has a Mental Health Disorder
Despite all the difficulties, you still care deeply for your family members and want to build a stronger, healthier relationship. While you may not be able to change their illness, you can make changes that improve the relationship. One of the most impactful ways to do this is to educate yourself about their diagnosis and treatment options. Understanding what your loved one is going through can help you avoid taking their behavior personally and can allow you to see the illness for what it is—a challenge that affects both of you.
Adjusting your expectations is essential. You may need to accept that your loved one cannot meet all of your expectations, but that doesn’t mean you must accept everything as it is. Finding a balance between your needs and theirs will allow you to navigate the relationship more effectively.
Effective communication is crucial, yet it’s often one of the biggest challenges in families affected by mental health disorders. The more openly and constructively you communicate, the better you and your loved one will feel. Avoid accusatory language and instead focus on expressing your own needs and feelings in a way that fosters cooperation rather than conflict.
For example, rather than saying, “You always do this,” try expressing your concern in a way that invites a conversation: “I’m worried about how this is affecting both of us. How can we work together to make things better?” This approach can lead to more understanding and collaboration between you and your loved one.
Seeking Support and Moving Forward
Remember, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Mental health professionals, support groups, or even trusted friends and family members can provide the support you need. Over the years, I’ve seen countless families make significant progress by seeking help and implementing these strategies. You deserve to feel supported, and your well-being is just as important as your loved one’s.
Living with a loved one who has a mental health disorder is challenging, but with the right strategies and support, it’s possible to navigate these difficulties and build a stronger, healthier relationship. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. As a licensed psychotherapist, I’m here to support you on this journey. If this resonated with you, I encourage you to contact me today for a complimentary consultation.
Lucas Saiter
Lucas Saiter is a Licensed Psychotherapist at Clarity Therapy. He specializes in LGBTQIA+ Affirmative Therapy and helps individuals who are struggling with intimacy and relationship issues, coming out, self-esteem and identity concerns.
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