“No one is perfect,” “we all make mistakes,” “fall to get back up.” What do all of these sayings have in common? They remind us that life does not always go as planned, and mistakes are an inevitable and natural part of life. Many times we hold mishaps and mistakes against ourselves and others. We continually remind ourselves of our shortcomings, sometimes to the point where they prevent us from having new, great opportunities and experiences.
We say that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect, but do we honestly believe it? Our thoughts – the beliefs we hold about ourselves and others – are what guide our feelings, shape our behaviors, and influence how we experience the world.
It is your birthright to be happy and comfortable in your skin, and the only way you can get there is by being aware of your thought patterns and disrupting negative narratives.
What is a negative narrative?
Negative narratives are the bad stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. They are the hyper-critical self-talk that plays on a loop in our heads: “I’m not good enough.” “I never do anything right.” “I’m a failure.”
It’s a fact that all humans make mistakes. So why do we hold on so tightly to our pasts? When we cling to negative self-talk we unconsciously take our mistakes along with us on our life journey.
When faced with circumstances that remind us of the baggage we’ve been lugging around, we repeat the sad story and prevent ourselves from intentionally learning from the past and living fully in the moment. By reliving the errors we once made, we force new life experiences into the confinements of the past.
When we cling to negative self-talk we unconsciously take our mistakes along on our life journey.
Living this way seems safe because it’s familiar – some of us have been repeating the same narrative for years – but we need to allow ourselves the opportunity to participate in new, positive experiences where we can display our growth and evolution.
Let go of your old, oppressive stories and allow yourself to be light with forgiveness and understanding.
So how can we change our negative self-talk?
Change happens through daily practice. Every day, practice focusing on identifying something that you are grateful for, something you are excited about and something that makes you happy. Practicing mindfulness and uplifting thoughts can help to change the nagging, negative narratives that pop up when life or people disappoint us.
Include daily reminders like, “The Universe is conspiring for you” and “You’re doing great, give thanks” in your Google calendar or your phone. You can even post uplifting reminders on your bedroom wall or bathroom mirror, so you’re confronted with positivity first thing in the morning.
We never know when we’ll be faced with problems, so having daily reminders of our greatness can help realign our thoughts on hard days.
We never know when we’ll be faced with problems, so having daily reminders of our greatness can help realign our thoughts on the hard days.
Self-awareness is key for disrupting negative self-talk
Self-awareness is vital on the journey to creating new and healthy narratives about yourself. Take note of the negative stories as they slide into your consciousness and stop them dead in their tracks. Acknowledge the unhelpful thoughts, then release and replace them with an affirmation or thought that’s based in reality. Self-awareness doesn’t focus on your past – it analyzes who you are now, your current thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Practice seeing yourself from other people’s perspective, and have enough patience to learn how to navigate particular situations. Will mistakes be made? Yes! Hiccups are inevitable, but so are the lessons that will ensure your life is one of growth and transcendence.
Understanding you have the power to control your mind can be life-changing. Click to tweet
Self-perception determines our behavior, so if the narrative on repeat in your mind is one of lack, unworthiness and self-loathing, you will display behaviors that reflect those traits. Understanding you have the power to control your mind can be life-changing.
In the process of learning how to manage your thoughts, you need first to be aware of those thoughts and actively work towards aligning them with the best version of yourself.
Remember, the past only exists in your mind – those mistakes you made and the mishaps you experienced have passed, and now it’s time for your mind to let them go to make space for new, beautiful memories and experiences.
In learning how to manage your thoughts, you need first to be aware of those thoughts and actively work towards aligning them with the best version of yourself.
The life-changing power of choice
Life isn’t perfect, but we have the power to decide what we focus on and what we think about. This power can change any undesirable situation into a lesson to propel you forward towards your best life.
Believe in the power of choice – your beliefs guide your life, so decide to believe that you are in control. You have the ability to choose how you will react in any circumstance. Decide that once the adverse situation has passed or been resolved, you don’t have to relive it anymore. You are given the opportunity to access new insightful experiences every day.
Use your power for good and watch your life transform.
Nurturing Your Relationship with a Family Member Who Has a Mental Health Disorder
Despite all the difficulties, you still care deeply for your family members and want to build a stronger, healthier relationship. While you may not be able to change their illness, you can make changes that improve the relationship. One of the most impactful ways to do this is to educate yourself about their diagnosis and treatment options. Understanding what your loved one is going through can help you avoid taking their behavior personally and can allow you to see the illness for what it is—a challenge that affects both of you.
Adjusting your expectations is essential. You may need to accept that your loved one cannot meet all of your expectations, but that doesn’t mean you must accept everything as it is. Finding a balance between your needs and theirs will allow you to navigate the relationship more effectively.
Effective communication is crucial, yet it’s often one of the biggest challenges in families affected by mental health disorders. The more openly and constructively you communicate, the better you and your loved one will feel. Avoid accusatory language and instead focus on expressing your own needs and feelings in a way that fosters cooperation rather than conflict.
For example, rather than saying, “You always do this,” try expressing your concern in a way that invites a conversation: “I’m worried about how this is affecting both of us. How can we work together to make things better?” This approach can lead to more understanding and collaboration between you and your loved one.
Seeking Support and Moving Forward
Remember, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Mental health professionals, support groups, or even trusted friends and family members can provide the support you need. Over the years, I’ve seen countless families make significant progress by seeking help and implementing these strategies. You deserve to feel supported, and your well-being is just as important as your loved one’s.
Living with a loved one who has a mental health disorder is challenging, but with the right strategies and support, it’s possible to navigate these difficulties and build a stronger, healthier relationship. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. As a licensed psychotherapist, I’m here to support you on this journey. If this resonated with you, I encourage you to contact me today for a complimentary consultation.
Dr. Logan Jones
Dr. Logan Jones is a Psychologist and Founder of Clarity Therapy. Sign up for his free 30 Days of Gratitude email series and follow him on Instagram at @drloganjones.
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